I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my shit smells like andre
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
