When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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