it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
