Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
