I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
