Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
