I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
