He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
