I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
