what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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