plz talk dirty to me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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