Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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