PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
