Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
