WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
