If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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