Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
