Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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