as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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