i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
