Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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