we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
