I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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