I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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