I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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