I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Four minutes until I can fart!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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