Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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