dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
