I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
