dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
