my mouth tastes like poor choices
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
