dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
