so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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