HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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