he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
