people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
