Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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