I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
