Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
