I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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