At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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