if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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