you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
