If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
