The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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