just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
