I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
