You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
