please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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