I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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