i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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