We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
