The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
